A Christmas Carol
by Koala Penguin
Summary: Christian is contemplating suicide after finding out that he's going to be a father (on Christmas rather than September as in the Trilogy). He's visited by Ella's spirit who shows him scenes from the past, present and future in a bid to save his life. This was the story that played in my mind as I watched a Charity Carol Service today. One-shot
1. Chapter 1

Christian Grey was standing on the top edge of Escala. He was contemplating ending it all - ending a mistake that started with his conception. He could imagine how Ella would have felt about being pregnant in the situation she was in – he was another problem to add to her many other problems. He wondered if she was she too stoned to realise that she had other options than to have him?

There was a way to fix the mistake. All he needed to do was take one step forward and all the problems he had caused would disappear.

Christian had found out he was going to be a father. The constant question going through his mind was 'What possible father could he be?' He was Fifty Shades of fucked-up-ness. He would fuck-up his kid's life. He was violent and prone to drinking. The only thing that would stop him hurting his kid when he got pissed off with it was Anastasia. Would he hit her if she got in his way, protecting their kid? He would rather die than hurt her.

But then Christian thought, he already had.

Christian had created an empire around him so that he could be untouchable. The only person who had managed to reach him in his ivory tower was Anastasia and now he had hurt her too. He had sought comfort and advice from Elena about being a father rather than going to his Ana, his beautiful wife – it was the ultimate betrayal to Ana. Would she ever forgive him? She had forgiven him about so many things and he had probably used up all his chances with her. What possible reason did he have to live?

"You have every reason to live, Christian." A voice behind him said.

"Mommy." Christian whispered when he turned around and saw the faint spirit of Ella before him.

"It's me, Christian. Don't jump. It's too late for me but it isn't too late for you." Ella pleaded with her son.

"I've fucked-up so much." Christian choked back a cry.

"You have many people who love you, who depend on you, who need you." Ella tried to reassure Christian.

"The world is better off without me." Christian declared.

"No they're not Christian. I'm here to show you. You deserve to know the truth." Ella cried.

"I know the truth." Christian asserted.

"You see what you think you ought to see. But I'm going to open your eyes. I've been given a chance Christian. Through helping you I can redeem myself. Please let me help you. Please, Christian." Ella begged.

"What do you want me to do?" Christian asked.

"Take my hand." Ella offered her hand to her son.

"You're not real." Christian almost laughed – he couldn't believe he was talking to a figment of him imagination.

"Take my hand." Ella coaxed a little more forcefully.

Christian reached out to his mother's hand.

* * *

Christian and Ella were in Detroit. It was snowing.

"Where am I?" Christian asked Ella.

"As you thought, this is where it all started – your birth." Christian and Ella were watching a heavily pregnant Ella clean up a diner after closing hours. A man in Navy uniform came to pick Ella up. "Christian, I don't know who your father is. I was, as you put it, a Crack Whore. But when I found out that I was pregnant with you and it gave me a reason to clean myself up. It was during this time I met Scott. Scott and I were going to make a go of it. He knew about my past but didn't care."

"What happened?"

"This happened. That man over there was my boyfriend and then my pimp. He wasn't too pleased that I left him. He thought I owed him." Ella's ex-pimp started to shout at Ella in front of Scott and then suddenly punched her hard. Scott pushes the pimp back and punches him. The pimp falls to the ground unconscious. Ella is in severe agony. "The asshole died in hospital and I gave birth prematurely. Scott was convicted of manslaughter and was sent to jail for five years. I felt that I ruined his life and that when he got out of jail that he would be better off without me. I tried to leave him but he wouldn't hear of it. He promised that he would find me after he got out of jail and we would be a proper family – he told me to hold on and be strong for you. I tried, Christian. I did for both of you. After I gave birth to you I continued working at the diner but then it closed down. I couldn't find another job. I turned back to prostitution but I couldn't handle it without drugs so I turned back to that too and then it took over. I let down everyone."

Christian tried to comfort his mother's mournful spirit "I'm sorry, mom."

"Don't be." Ella's spirit said harshly "I want you to understand that you gave me hope to make something of myself but I couldn't follow through. It was too hard for me, Christian. I failed you not the other way round. See."

Christian saw a boy of three having a cigarette stubbed out on him. The boy screamed in pain. Ella was slumped in the corner of a squalid room – there's bits of cheap tinsel on the window and a small sock hanging on the door. Christian tried to go forward and stop the man from hurting the boy further but he just went through the man.

"This is the past Christian. You can't change the past, only understand it." Ella's spirit warned Christian "But you just tried to stop a little boy from being hurt. A little boy that you loathe. Do you really think you could be the person hurting the boy?"

The boy was dropped to the ground and then beaten with the man's belt. Christian can feel the boy's pain as the belt fell against his back with a crack and an almighty sting. Christian knows the boy is him. The man stops beating the boy, takes some money from a drawer and then leaves. The boy slowly crawls to Ella and hugs her. Ella can't hug back she's too far gone.

"Do you remember what happened the next morning?" Ella questioned.

"I asked if Santa hadn't come." Christian stated with no emotion in his voice.

"I had told you that he would come and I had planned to get something that day. But rather than admit to you that I couldn't provide for you I told you that were a bad boy that didn't deserve presents. That was a wicked lie, Christian. I became too scared to protect you and then I neglected you. What happened to you was my fault. Not yours. Never yours." Ella stressed.

"I understand mom." Though Christian's voice betrayed that he still blamed himself.

"Being high wasn't more important than you" Ella vowed.

"Then why overdose to the point of killing yourself. You had something to live for." Christian almost shouted.

"Because I was stupid and I made a mistake. I lost control of my life and I couldn't get it back on track. I was bad for you, Christian. There's no doubt about that. And you were better off without me. Look." Ella pointed to the next scene.

Grace was giving Christian a present on Christmas morning and Carrick was taking a picture. Elliot was already playing with his toy. Christian was unwrapping the present very slowly savouring the moment.

"You didn't believe that you deserved that present or the other five that they had brought for you. You felt guilty for accepting them. Why?" Ella sounded upset.

"As you said I was a bad boy. They thought I was good and I didn't tell them differently." Christian said in an expressionless voice. Christian felt that he had been fooling Grace and Carrick ever since.

"Is that why you disappeared to get drunk after Christmas dinner in your early teens?" Ella said with empathy in her voice. Christian saw himself in a back alley freezing with a bottle of vodka in his hands. "Is that why in your late teens you visited Elena to be heavily caned and fucked hard?"

"What the hell do you know about that?" Christian angrily said. Christian didn't want to see a scene of that.

"That it was part of your past. Why didn't saving Elliot's life change the way you feel?" Ella wondered.

"I didn't save Elliot's life." Christian point blankly denied.

"Let's take a look." Elliot was on his tricycle in the driveway and Christian was sitting on the porch with his toy helicopter in his hand. Grace was on the phone and had gone into the kitchen to find a pen and piece of paper. A big savage dog came bounding up to Elliot. The dog bit into Elliot's leg. Elliot let out a high pitch scream. Christian looked up and saw the dog poised ready to attack Elliot again. Christian came running up to the dog with the heavy doorstop in his hand. Despite the weight of the doorstop, Christian lifted it and smashed the doorstop at the dog's head. The dog turned its attention to Christian. Christian dodged the dog lunging at him but fell over hard on the ground. The dog lunged again this time Christian swung the doorstop and it knocked against the dog's throat. This time the blow scared the dog and it scampered away. Christian then took Grace to Elliot without saying a word and went back to play with his helicopter. Grace attended to Elliot and only realised that Christian had been hurt too after Elliot stopped crying and told her what happened. Only Grace's eyes betrayed the feeling of disappointment that Christian had not sought help for himself from her. "What do you think would've happened if you weren't there, Christian?" Ella urged.

"Elliot would have been fine." Christian said huffily.

"Christian, he would've died from the dog attack. The dog would have attacked Elliot again and again without anyone to stop it. If Elliot had died, do you think that Grace and Carrick would've adopted again?"

"What happened to Mia?" Christian asked cutting to the chase.

"She drifted from foster home to foster home. She didn't become the outgoing and bubbly personality that she is today, she didn't go to Paris to study cooking and she didn't learn French or the Cello." Ella divulged "Her potential was wasted as she grew up believing no-one cared for her. Do you still believe that your family don't need you, Christian?"

"That is just one combination of a number of possibilities." Christian had assessed.

"Do you believe that your family loves you Christian?" Ella gently asked.

"They shouldn't." Christian said in a voice that insisted he was right.

"But they do. There's Grace reading to you, Carrick teaching you to shave, Elliot playing snow balls with you and Mia wanting you to build a bigger snowman." A montage of memories flickered before Christian's eyes. "They love you Christian. How do you think they felt when you missed last Christmas to do business in London?"

"They were supportive." Christian acknowledged.

"Of course they were Christian. They'll support you no matter what." Mia was baking ginger bread men as Elliot and Carrick were putting up some Christmas lights. Grace played a Christmas carol on the piano looking longingly at a photograph of Christian on the bookshelf. "Wouldn't you be sitting there?" Ella pointed to the space beside Grace.

"Yes." Christian stiffly said.

"Then there was Ros." Ella sighed.

"What about Ros?" Christian quickly questioned.

"Exactly, Christian. Gwen went to her parents' house for Christmas without Ros. Her parents aren't supportive of her being gay. They take every chance to remind her that she's a disappointment. Only Ros can keep her laughing in the face of it all. Gwen called Ros in tears threatening to end the relationship if she wasn't there on Christmas day. Ros had to go through hell and high water to get to Gwen and save the relationship."

The scene played before Christian's eyes. "I didn't know." Christian said guilty. Ros had always been there for him without him even asking her to.

"If it helps there was one person who didn't miss you." Ella said without a doubt.

Elena was in her car rushing around the streets of Seattle but taking a slower pace in the well-known hot spots for male prostitutes. Elena stopped the car after she spotted a teenage boy shivering in the winter cold hoping for a client. Christian watches in revulsion as Elena makes the teenage boy a proposal which he considers and desperately takes. Christian turns away unable to look anymore.

"It's time to move on from this Christian. We have to look at the present. It's time to see what Ana would have become without you, Christian."

Christian suddenly found himself looking through a glass window at Ana who was photocopying a large number of files. She was working late for Jack Hyde. Jack Hyde brushed past Ana and touched her between her legs. Ana took a deep breath and closed her eyes to endure the touch.

"That bastard." Christian snarled slamming his fist against the pane knowing it was useless.

"After he had assaulted Ana, she went back to work and raised the issue with Elizabeth Morgan. Elizabeth and Jack - well, they have a history. Ana's story was belittled. Ana was tempted to leave but couldn't, she knew that it would be the end of her career in publishing. You can see where it's heading Christian." Ella said softly.

"Ok. Ok. Let's say my life wasn't a complete mistake that doesn't change that I have now fucked up so badly that my wife and her baby would be better off with me dead than alive." Christian rationalised.

"Have you even thought about the consequences that your death would have on your family, on Ana, and on the many other people that are connected to you?" Ella snapped.

"My family would be upset." Christian said tersely

"Just upset?"

It was Christian's funeral. There are at least 200 people in attendance. Ana, Grace, Carrick, Mia and Elliot are closest to the casket. They all have tears in their eyes as they say their last goodbye to Christian. Grace and Carrick are the first to leave followed by Elliot and Mia. Grace cannot be consoled by Carrick as she believes that she in the end couldn't save Christian from his past – that she had failed him. Ana stays by the casket unable on her own accord to leave her beloved. Ray gently escorts her away.

"I've seen enough." Christian said in a voice that would normally result in his order being followed.

"Not yet Christian. You have to continue looking. This is your son, Theo. This is how his life would be without you."

Theo is ten years old. He watches his cousin, Ava, opening presents and then hugging Elliot and Kate out of love for her parents. A look of loneliness and sadness is etched on Theo's cute little face. Ana tries to hug Theo but he shrugs her off and pushes his cousin to the floor in anger at her having something that he doesn't. Christian watches in sorrow – he understands his son's loneliness.

Theo is 17 years old. He kisses Ana goodnight on the cheek and wishes her a Merry Christmas before a night out on the town. He drives a flash car and is wearing flash clothing. He's an heir to an empire. He picks up a few friends on the way to a nightclub. Theo splashes out on Champagne, some coke and a few prostitutes. Theo snorts a line of coke and then relaxes in the company of the prostitutes. Christian watches - he's both livid and disappointed. The club is then raid by police.

"It looks like drinking hard and having an unsavoury sex life will touch another generation. It's not just your family who would suffer. Take a look Christian." At Ella's command the scene changed again.

"I know these people." Christian was watching a queue for a food bank.

"You should do Christian they were going to be your workers." Ella's spirit pointed out.

There's a newspaper of the ground reporting that a shipyard has closed down making workers redundant before Christmas. Christian picks it up.

"This shouldn't be happening. I'm gonna save this shipyard. I'm gonna invest in it." Christian said urgently.

"Christian how can you do that if you're dead."

"Someone should've invested in it. Someone should have spotted the potential." Christian tried to assure Ella.

"Not everyone has your foresight. For instance, how many people with your money and influence know what it is to starve, Christian? How many people do you think would continuously invest in agricultural programmes?" Ella questioned her son.

"So now I'm somehow responsible for saving the world!" Christian snapped.

"No, Christian but the world is a better place with you in it." Ella then disappeared.

* * *

Christian Grey was standing on the top edge of Escala. He took a step back. He knew he had fucked-up with Ana but now he knew it was better to face Ana than to be dead. He would fix his mistakes and persuade Ana to forgive him. There was much he had to live for - mostly to be a father to his rascal of a son. His boy needed him.


	2. Chapter 2

Christian went back to his apartment and found Ana in the library crying. It had hurt him that Ana was in tears because of him. He would make it right by her.

"Hey, Baby" Christian said and put his arm around his Ana. He needed Ana so much. He would live a full life because he had her.

"Where were you? After our argument I thought … Do you know how worried I've been?" Ana cried against Christian's shoulder.

"I know." Christian sheepishly replied as he stroked Ana's chestnut hair.

"You do?" Ana asked hopefully.

"Let's say I had an epiphany. I got some fresh air and it helped me to think. I know I seriously fucked up today. Ana, I want to be a good father but I didn't know if I could be man enough. I have a feeling our baby is going to be a handful, especially if he's anything like me. I need you to help me, every step of the way." Christian implored Ana.

"I will. You'll never be alone in this" Ana solemnly promised.

"Elena can't teach me anything that a baby needs. She knows nothing of love and tenderness. But you do. I should never have run to her when things got tough. Ever. She was bad for me, I see that now. If it was our baby…" Christian looked down thoroughly ashamed of himself.

Ana kissed Christian on the forehead "I think you would have to beat me to it."

Christian looked up at Ana expectantly and he wasn't disappointed. Ana's eyes were full of love and devotion to him. For once, he didn't feel undeserving but reassured and thankful. "Whatever damage she did you healed, Baby"

"I love you, Christian."

"I love you too and I'm always going to here for you as well. You're living proof that dreams can come true." Christian looked at his wife in admiration. His wife was full of goodness, truth and warmth. She looked like Christmas morning. Christian mentally thanked Ella for reminding him what he had.

Christian softly kissed Ana on the forehead and then knelt down on the floor so that his face was level with Ana's belly. Christian then spoke to his unborn child. "You'll be my greatest and best creation. You're going to be the most loved and wanted child. You're going to have knowledge and discipline. You'll never come to harm because I'll always have your back. I'll do everything I can to be show you how to live a good and honest life. And I know I'll succeed because I have your mom beside me."

Christian got back of his knees and kiss Ana again. It was a long and deep kiss that showed how much he cared and loved his wife and the baby inside of her.

Ana's eyes lit up in wonder at how this Christmas miracle came true. Her life, her family was now whole again.


End file.
